Ko ngā pukapuka katoa ka hokona mā tēnei hononga ka āwhina i a mātou ki te arotake i ētahi atu pukapuka nō Aotearoa - ngā mihi ki a koe mōu i tautoko i ngā pukapuka me ngā kaituhi o Aotearoa.

Hei kaipūrongo kua roa nei e mahi ana, he ngāwari te paku whakahāwea i ngā haukiri kaitākaro hākinakina rongonui. He wā ōna he āta whakarite mai, he āta whakahaumaru te mahi - i ōna anō wā he hura te mahi i ētahi kaupapa, i ōna anō wā he huna kē te mahi i ētahi kaupapa.

He whakarehurehu — he whakakūare rānei — tā ēnei momo pukapuka i ngā wā uaua, i ngā raruraru rānei ka hua. E mārama ana tērā, heoi anō, ka tipu te hōhā me te aha ko ngā kaipānui, ko ngā apataki ērā ka noho hei papa i te korenga o rātou e kite i te whānui o te pikitia. Kāore tērā āhuatanga e kitea i Head On.

Ko te katoa he kōrero mātoretore, he kōrero tino pono e mahara ai pea ētahi mehemea he nui rawa ngā kura e huraina ana. Heoi anō, he kōrero pārekareka, he kōrero whakataritari e whakatau ana i tētahi pae hou mō ngā pukapuka hākinakina, ka uaua pea te turaki i tana taumata. Kāore a Hayman e pupuri, engari kē ia ka tuku ia i tana katoa. He nui ngā āhuatanga hanga aroha kē i ana kōrero engari kāore ia e huna, otirā, ka whakamārama atu he rongoā te te hātepe tuku kōrero nei.

He hautipua a Hayman, i tākaro rā mā Otago me ngā Highlanders nōna e rangatahi ana, nō mua mai i tana ekenga hei Ō Pango i a ia e 21 ana te pakeke. E kīia ana ko ia pea te tino pou i te hākinakina, ka wehe ia i Aotearoa nōna e 27 tau ana ki te aru i te haumarutanga ā-ōhanga ki Ūropi, i whai wāhi atu rā ia ki a Newcastle me Toulon, ā, i mōhiotia rā ko ia te kaihākinakina nui rawa te utua i te hākinakina nei.

Heoi anō, he nui te utu.

E ai ki ngā kōrero a Hayman i te upoko tuatahi, ‘I am a living, breathing, suffering cautionary tale.’ E 17 tau ia e tākaro ana hei kaitākaro whutupōro ngaio, ka toa hoki i te hia nei paraihe, ka utaina hoki ki te mihi, i āna tākarohanga e 450. Engari he nui tonu ngā hinganga.

Kua raru ngā roro o Hayman - raru kino nei. Ināianei kua 41 tau te pakeke, kua pāngia ia e te mate korongenge tōwawe, otirā ia kua tautohua hoki ki te mate roro pākaha (CTE) nā ngā tukinga maha ki ōna hoa tākaro, hoariri me ngā mihini kakari.

He hanga ongaonga ake nei. Ka rangona te mamae i te korenga ōna e maumahara ki te ingoa o tāna tama mō tētahi tono uruwhenua, i te titonga anō hoki ōna i ētahi tuhinga whakamomori i tōna hinengaro i ngā wā e tino rukupopoī ana.

Ka āta whakatakotoria e ia te mahuetanga i tana hoa - arā, ko ngā kōrero mō te putanga ōna ki tētahi kōti Wiwī mō te taiapu tara ā-whare - me tana kakari ki te waipiro, he hua nō te ahurea whakahaurangi o te ao whutupōro nō te wā i a ia, i taumaha ake ai, tahi ki ngā uauatanga mate roro, mate hinengaro hoki.

‘I have to own this simple, four word sentence. I am an alcoholic.’

Heoi anō, ahakoa ngā wāhanga mōkinokino, he pārekareka tonu te pānui mō tētahi tangata mutunga mai o manarū me ngā kōrero mō tōna ohinga i tētahi pāmu i Taranaki ki te taiao rāroto o te ao whutupōro Wiwī. Ka whakatūtakina koe ki ngā whakahaerenga o te hākinakina ngaio, o ngā Ō Pango hoki, tae atu rā ki te hinganga nui i te Kapu o Te Ao 2007, ā, he matapihi anō hoki ki te whanaketanga o te mātauranga mō te CTE me ngā mate paturoro me te tūāoma e kitea ai ngā urupare.

Kāore i tino kitea a Hayman i te roanga o tana umanga, he parepare nōna i te hunga pāpaoho, ā, kātahi ka wehe i Aotearoa i tōna tino paerangi, e pārekareka ake ai te kōrero nei. He kōwhiringa pai te kairīpoata tautōhito, ko Dylan Cleaver, hei kaituhi whakakapi. Nāna i tō ai tētahi taera pārekareka e kapo tika ana i te iho me te reo o Hayman, e āwhinatia ana rā e ētahi tuhinga hautaka nō taua wā tonu rā.

Hei te mutunga iho, ka mahara koe he pai ake tō mōhio ki a Hayman, tēnā, i tētahi hoa pūmau, koia nei ko te taumata o te kounga me te hohonu o te kōrero.

He koi te whakatakotoranga, he pai hoki te taki o ngā kōrero. Ka nui te pā mai o ngā upoko whakahuataki engari he nui tonu ngā whakaohoreretanga te whai ake. I te mutunga, he uaua te whakatōriki i tō Hayman kaha. Ko tōna kaha ki te hura i tōna wairua, ki te whakaatu i ōna pākehetanga, me te aro hoki  ki te āwhina i ētahi atu, ahakoa ngā taumahatanga ki runga i a ia.

Engari ko te mea nui ko tōna māia ki te aro atu ki tōna anamata - ahakoa te nui o te pōnānā e kore e taea e te nuinga te pohewa ake - me ngā tini āhuatanga ka tau mai: ‘I’m not the same person I was when I was younger. In five years’ time I won’t be the same person who wrote this book. But I’m still Carl Hayman.’

He pukapuka ka nui te pīrangitia, ki tua o te hunga e kaingākau ana ki te whutupōro me ngā momo hākinakina anō hoki, nā te mea he kōrero tangata e kore e taea te takapapa.

Nā Michael Burgess i arotake.